Achieving Harmony: Step 1

(found at http://www.positivetraining.com.au)

Life balance experts cite five areas to achieve harmony: finances/career, spirituality/self care, relationships, health, and  fun/recreation.

Achieving harmony in your life is a process – a five step process we will explore together.  The first step is to examine your finances. You need to know where your money is, what it is used for, and how you spend money. “Debt is dumb,” says in your face financial guru Dave Ramsey.  He adds, “You are where you are right now financially as a sum total of the decisions you’ve made to this point.” But, don’t despair. Right now you are in a perfect position to make a financial change for the better.  Changing the way you think about money and how you spend money is the yellow brick road to harmonic wealth.

Financial Planning 101 – Achieving Harmony Step 1:

Reflect. Think about it, reflect. Ask what led you to make those mistakes in the first place. Was it job loss, divorce, impulsive spending? Make sure you know and understand what pulled you out of life balance so you don’t repeat those mistakes.

Get organized. Organize your bills and debts. Create a place to keep incoming bills. Pay your bills. Avoid late fees-make sure you send your check early so that it gets to the payer on time. Also it is a best practice to write down payments, check numbers and date sent so you will have a record in case a payment goes unrecorded. Put all payments in your finance ledger and balance that ledger against what payments are outstanding each and every month.

Plan. Tackle your debt!  You created the debt, now plan. Take time to establish a plan to pay off debts. Without an debt freedom action plan you darken your life. You want harmony, so be disciplined and plan harmonic wealth. Think about what you need to do here… figure out the most important debt to be paid off first, generate more income, spend less and save more money. That’s the simple formula for achieving harmony in your finances.  Set the plan and stick to it.

Save. You must save more than you spend. This is the truth!  Worrying about how you are going to pay your bills every month is misery. The best way to handle your financial life is to save.

Now is a perfect time to  is a time restore your financial balance, achieve harmony.

Reading List:

Total Money Makeover, Dave Ramsey

Your Life or Your Money: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money, Vicki Robin

Low Fee Socially Responsible Investing: Investing in your worldview on your terms, Tom Nowak

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5 Steps to Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Over time, one person will misunderstand the other. Some conflicts are so small that overlooking the gaffe may be the best advice, but do not let the pain or anger over old misunderstandings pile up and become a full-blown argument because you failed to resolve the issue when it first happened.   Oftentimes, then a seemingly small incident becomes a tipping point where making up for “the old and the new” aggravations become an intractable grudge. “When you are in deep conflict about something, sometimes the most trivial thing can tip the scales.” ~Ethel Merman

Conflict does not have to become a Hatfield and McCoy episode. You do not have to live with conflict, letting its flares ruin your relationships until the day you die. While conflict may not be avoidable all of the time, there are civil ways to resolve misunderstandings that preserve the relationship, your health and  your integrity.

5 Steps to Conflict Resolution:

1. Acknowledge there is a conflict. It’s not good to suppress the feeling that erupt after a presumed infraction, instead pay attention to the feeling rather than internalize the emotion. Go inside, get to your heart/feeling center and ask yourself why does this trigger a reaction in me? Check in with what you are feeling, acknowledge the feelings. Stay away from blame, anger, self-doubt or feelings of unworthiness (usually the result of unexpressed feelings).

                        “Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” ~William Ellery Channing

2. Identify the “real” conflict. There is a reason for the discord, identify why it exists.  Once you have gone within yourself to self-check your feelings, it is time to    get real. The next step is to hone in on what happened. Review the conversation or exchange-look for where things broke down and make an earnest attempt to identify the source of the conflict. It could be an integrity issue, a snub, a flaw, a mental illness. Whatever, the range of possibilities is wide. The point is to objectively pinpoint, as best as you can, what may be the real reason for the conflict.

“There are three principles in a man’s being and life, the principle of thought, the principle of speech, and the principle of action. The origin of all conflict between me and my fellow-men is that I do not say what I mean and I don’t do what I say. “  ~Martin Buber

      3. It’s time to talk. Seek out the other person. Consult. Open up, share how you feel and then hear their point of view. This is where you seek to understand each other. Stay away from volatile, inflammatory accusations which escalate conflict. Talk in a hearing tone, speak with healing words, understand with an empathetic heart.

“Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict – alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence.” ~Dorothy Thompson

4. Work together to resolve the conflict.  Keep a good attitude. Throw blame, heated recriminations out of the window. Stay in the now, rather than re-hash old wounds, and hear each other; find out what each person needs to resolve the issue. There are reasons why “vexed” feelings are there, tell the truth, share your feelings with a positive attitude, and then honestly do what is necessary to resolve the conflict.

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” ~William James

       5. Take responsibility to maintain the solution. Own the outcome, do this for yourself. Take ownership of your feelings and release any lingering residuals that often accompany conflict. Take responsibility not only for your feelings but also take responsibility to honor the solution and then let the old conflict go. Sine die. It is done and over with.

“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.” ~Wayne Dyer

 Conflict is solvable.  Resolution is the agreement.  Children instinctively know how to handle conflict, go to your inner child and model love.

Related articles

• Resolving conflict (slideshare.net)
• Got Conflict? (ninaroesner.com)
• Helping Children Resolve Conflicts (education.com)
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• How do you deal with conflict? (It’s the most important element in maintaining relationships) (emotionaleducation.wordpress.com)
• Managing Conflict (everydayhealth.com)

A ‘glass’ filled with the right things

This is the season for ‘thanks and giving.” Be sure to check your glass of life. The quoted message below is a reminder that it is not about the glass or the waterline of your perspective, it is just as important to notice what your glass is full of.  Give thanks:

” It’s not just whether your glass is half-empty or half-full that matters.

You also have to be mindful of what you’re filling your glass with.

Be sure to fill it with those things that satisfy your soul: good friends and family to love, passions to pursue, dreams to fulfill, and charity for others.  Because the only situation more tragic than seeing your glass as half-empty, is filling your glass until it is overflowing, and then realizing that there’s nothing in it to satisfy your thirst for a meaningful life.” ~Marc and Angel Hack

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Get Out the Box Cutter

“Life is like a 10-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.” ~Charles Schulz

Take a dare today; use one of your unused gears. Mentally, get on your 10-speed life bike and ride it to uncharted experiences today. Open up, abandon the boxed-in sense of duty, and feel the exhilaration of your new discoveries.  You may want to explore painting, drama, feng shui, woodworking, yoga,reading, photography…do anything you have never done before and let the excitement of this new learning seep deeply into your identity.

You are changed by this new gear experience in your life. This new speed choice that you have made is exhilarating, liberating, and exactly what you needed to do for yourself right now. You have made a significant breakthrough, regardless of what life gear you chose to experience or the level of challenge it might have posed for you—the  principal here is that you did something new that pushed old boundaries. You stepped outside of your box, now refuse to go back to its confines.

Get out the box cutter when you try to re-fit yourself back into your space of comfort and begin to box yourself back in. When the intensity of your exhilaration begins to fade, when you begin to fear what lies ahead of your new liberation, or when your friends and family re-buff your discovered greatness box cut any negativity, doubt, suspicion or fear that comes to the surface.

SAY: Get out the box cutter: (let this be one of your 2013 mantras)

• When a snide remark is made about your new hair color or haircut
• When your inner voice deceives you into thinking “that was silly.”
• When someone fails to compliment what you have done
• When others stare because you play hop-scotch on the sidewalk all by yourself
• When you whistle a new tune you composed on the spot and others don’t whistle back
• When you write your best prose that others haven’t seen yet
• When water washes away your sandcastle

Get out the box cutter! You are ready for something new-you are equipped for something new. Today, you are in the right space and you have the right amount of time to create and experience something new. Today only you can invite a special moment into your life and one way to do that is to box cut anything that  limits you.

“There comes a special moment in everyone’s life; a moment for which that person was born. That special opportunity, when he seizes it, will fulfill his mission-a mission for which he is uniquely qualified. In that moment, he finds greatness. It is his finest hour.” ~Winston Churchill

Your finest hour is here. Right NOW! Seize it, embrace this special opportunity that is only, uniquely yours. Don’t wait, thinking you will have a better life gear to exercise at a better time; you DON’T at the present moment. Right now is the time to act with the willing abandon so vital to your special moment.

Most people, who will admit it, prefer the safety of small boxes. But, you must constantly box cut any limitation. Consciously begin to expand your worldview, expand your frames of reference. Allow fresh new possibilities to emerge, provide a healthy challenge to your life.

Relax and give up the comfort and safety of what you already know just for today and then another day and then another and expand your capacity for thinking, creativity, exploration and awareness. Begin to envision all the possibilities that are available to you, right now. Hold tight to your core values while at the same time opening your heart and mind to new ideas, feelings, and experiences.  Your own perspective will grow stronger when you look at things from different perspectives and you will discover a lifetime of magic.

Get out your box cutter and speed on to new life gears that excite and liberate the special, real you.

Happiness: A-Z

Acceptance

Balance

Compassion

Direction

Exploration

Forgiveness

Generosity

Harmony

Imagination

Justice

Kindness

Laughter

Mastery

Nurturence

Openness

Praise

Quest

Respect

Serenity

Thanks

Understanding

Vision

Wisdom

Xpungence

Yen

Zeal

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Daily Dos

“Read, every day, something no one else is reading.

Think, every day, something no one else is thinking.

Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do.

It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity.”   ~Christopher Morley

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Unity In Diversity

America celebrates inclusion. Actually, dissatisfied citizens around the world watched the evidence of unity in diversity in America and join the celebrants in America. Millions of disenfranchised, oppressed or marginalized people, especially women, worldwide who long for a different world of inclusion see the possibility.

Unity in diversity embodies more than skin color; it is a pledge of the acceptance of human dignity. The idea of unity that includes the diversity of humankind, progressive thought and equal opportunity signals inclusion. It recognizes the deepest human longing – fairness.

Goodwill unifies. Equality unifies. Fairness unifies. People in every hamlet, village, town, reservation, or country in the world cry out for fairness. Goodwill does not bend to politics. Goodwill opens the mind to inclusion rather than exclusion because of gender, race, geography or economic status.

Mankind is one. Aung San Suu Kyi of Myanmar, sacrificed much to free the people in her country.  Nelson Mandela sacrificed for the freedom of his people in South Africa. Shirin Ebadi of Iran sacrifices for justice in her land. President Obama in the United States of America, another Nobel laureate, believes “We will rise and fall as one nation, and as one people.” These Nobel peace prize laureates and many, many others struggle for fairness for all mankind across the world.

Women deserve dignity. The struggle for dignity extends to a former girl prostitute in India who was forced to sell her body. Sakena Yacoobi in Afghanistan fights to educate girls to fix the country’s severe gender imbalances. Layli Miller-Muro in the United States who protects immigrant women and girls fleeing the violence of genital mutilation champions dignity.   These conjoined problems of sex trafficking, gender-based violence, and maternal mortality all over the world depend on restoring women’s dignity.  Read Half the Sky

Unity in diversity is vital to the equality, dignity, goodwill and protection of all people.

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You Are A Hero

Did you ever know you are my hero? This verse from the song Wind Beneath My Wings written by Jeff Silbar and Larry Henley in 1982 and popularized by diva singers Bette Midler and Patti LaBelle should be the success anthem.

Knowing that you have heroes in your life and that you are or can be a hero to someone else is POWER! This kind of power is priceless, beyond the materialism that comes when you buy something for someone and then wash your hands, thinking that is enough. Hero power is beyond sentiment, where you randomly mouth how are you? and expect all is fine so you move on without interest in the other person.
Heroes don’t wear capes, but they stand up, speak up and dress up the wounds of others. Patrick Mayer is a hero. He created the company Wheelblades to simplify snow travel, though he himself is a quadriplegic and wheel-chair bound. Mayer says, “I am convinced that Wheeblades don’t just assist you but also bring you a lot of joy.”

Heroes bring joy. In spite of her personal pain from childhood cancer and the harsh treatments, Alexandra “Alex” Scott (1996-2004), then 4-years old in the year 2000, told her family she wanted to hold a lemonade stand to raise money to help find a cure for all children with cancer. Since Alex manned that first stand, the Foundation bearing her name has evolved into a national fundraising movement, complete with thousands of supporters across the country carrying on her legacy of joy and hope.

Heroes shrug fame or fatuousness, instead preferring to say, “I had to do something.” This world is full of people who do extraordinary things to serve and care for others without the grandiose glare of the media. You are a hero when you wipe up a spill on the floor in a public place that might injure someone. You are a hero when you stop someone from using sexist or racist remarks that degrade other people. You are a hero when you say thank you in your own powerful way.

These seemingly small acts of kindness, generosity and selflessness spring from the soul of heroes. Dr. Zimbardo, in John Quiones book Heroes Among Us, believes we can all build our “heroic imagination” by imagining heroic scenarios and figuring out how you would react; how you can be a hero to somebody. You can cultivate heroic genes, you can anticipate what would you do if ….

Quiones’ quest to find everyday goodness from common “heroes” stem from the hit primetime ABC television series, What Would You Do? that he hosts.  This is a pivotal question, what will you do? How will you help?

“Nothing liberates our greatness than the desire to help.” ~Marianne Williamson

There are heroes among us, YOU!

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Take It Easy On Yourself

It’s time to celebrate YOU! The woman you are should be celebrated. The man you are must be celebrated. The young person or child that you are deserves loud claps of celebration too. It is time to celebrate.

Why is it time to celebrate? You need to celebrate and take it easy on yourself because life is so wonderful and you have contributed to that awesome wonder. Each time that a smile is shared, a word of praise is exchanged, an unexpected gift is given or a song is shared that lifts the heart-you have made a difference.

Celebrations also allow you to take it easy. Oftentimes the frenzied pace of the day demands that your attention is elsewhere on tasks and on competing requests to be fulfilled. Understood, but you have to take it easy too. Breathe in the fresh air, tickle a kitten, skip on the sidewalk, hum a bright tune. Have fun, celebrate.

A good way to keep a proper perspective while your life is hectic, as it can often become, is by focusing more on the fun and enjoyment you can share with others. Here are a few tips to take it easy on yourself:

• Find your center. Get to the core of who you really are. You are more than a time clock. You are more than a carpool driver. You are alive and active for a purpose. Connect with that purpose person and take a minute or two and celebrate your given, central  reason for being here at this time, right now.
• Be in the present. Blank out all of the head noise and just be. It is okay and the sane-making to be with yourself in the present. Cancel all noise and just be in  the serenity that is ever present with you. Be present.
• Claim your right. You are entitled to celebrate. A you focus is proper and necessary each and every day. Shun any notion that you have to wait for your birthday or special event to celebrate. Celebrate and add good vibes any time you want to.
• Relax and rejuvenate. Be free. Be positive, expect positive and everyone ends up winning. You can create a victory for yourself and others today by simply choosing to enjoy every second. Refresh your life. Relax and rejuvenate. Take it easy on yourself.

Jump for joy. Make it an any person festival of happiness. Look up and marvel. Plant your feet on your solid awareness that you are created with purpose. Smile, life loves you.

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”   ~Oprah

Become A Practice Teacher

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Dr. Howard Thurman

Practice what you teach; that’s all it takes to be a practice teacher. Start today by noticing what you practice successfully (meaning what you are good at) and begin teaching that.

Rather than search all over the world for meaning, practice teach what has meaning for you right now. Modify your inner world-that what you know, practice and teach-to create your outer world.

Ask yourself what makes you come alive. That’s what you practice teach to the world. Touch what is intrinsic to you inside. Magnify and illumine that gift of an alive spirit within you and then glow in your happiness. You will feel an increased self-worth, gain in purpose identity, and sprint to new levels of success when what you practice and then teach is synchronized to your belief and action.

You already sense what is meaningful to you. That true purpose of yours is there, but it may take some changes in your learned automatic responses to uncover “meaning” that has been buried because of fear, tradition, criticism, doubt or other internalized limitations.

To become a practice teacher, you have to open up to life and leave all of your obstacles behind. Here is how to begin to practice teach and live a life of success:
1. Get into alignment. Akaya Windwood, president of the Rockwood Leadership Institute suggests using mindful activities such as meditation or yoga to shift into stronger alignment with your innate passion to come alive. She says, “These practices help people to determine what’s meaningful to them and get aligned with these interests.” Or, create a mantra that magnifies your passion. The point with alignment is create inner and outer congruency to live out alive.

2. Seek opportunities. Search for opportunities in your life, whether its career or personal, to practice teach what is meaningful to you. Toss out your fears and do it, find opportunities that give you the freedom to make a contribution. Opportunities are out there, step into an existing one or create your own opportunity. It is up to you to find compatible ways to practice and teach what you value. Read Making Good.

3. Get out of a bind. Get away from whatever is binding you. Get out of the mental ropes that strap your mind. Eliminate your limits, resist useless tradition. Push back, investigate truth, examine meaning for yourself. Really search your mental attitude and rid yourself of oppressive coils of expectation. Trash mental clutter and open up to fresh, new possibilities and begin to practice teach what is bind-less to you.

4. Make a list. Now that you are open, ready to change and explore your intrinsic meaning of living alive and awakened, make your own life list. John Goddard made his “life list” of things he wanted to do at the age of fifteen. He wrote 127 goals or experiences that were meaningful to him-he came alive. Write your life list, live alive.

Active passion, that may or may not be guided by a life list, is one practice of the successful and fulfilled. Every person has a passion for something. The achievement key is to get your practice teaching certificate by living your purpose and passion now.

Come alive.